Its been touched upon by some writers more eloquently in the past, but sometimes whenever I look at some posts citing examples of men who profess love in ways that some women find desirable, it just makes me shake my head in wonder.
I don’t see how the idea of all-consuming love is short of suffocating or prone to misunderstanding. I don’t want to be someone’s life or to “complete them.” I have no desire for someone to see me in their idealized, loving state, one where my imperfections are not softened, but simply not understood. I would rather not have the whole of me replaced by a real consuming force; the contrived vision of me in their head.
Have you ever been in a circumstance where you realize that you are paying for the sin of damaging the version of yourself that exists in someone else’s head? You are not stabbing someone in the heart by just lack of reciprocity, but you are also burning their mental effigy of you. The “you” in “how could you do this to me” is really the sighting of the real person, in their real or at least self-perceived form.
I don’t know much in matters of love, but I’ve been amid a few misunderstandings that left me with the notion that part of why we love people is the way in which they live in our minds. I feel as if love in its kindest form may involve something more pragmatic. It involves an appreciation of imperfections that does require not blissful ignorance, it grows with each repaired communication, and beyond the complementary aspects you live with the understanding that part of what makes that person worth loving is the strides they take in trying to understand who you feel you are.
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- haramgirls said: i used to want to be loved this way until it actually happened. i now realize how stressful it can be to be expected to fulfill another person’s wishes and live up to their ideals.
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